MARIO KIEFER

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Why do you leave me? ME:    I am just going to get the mail. DOG: You always go away. ME: I will be right...

DOG: What are you doing? ME:   Setting up the doggie-cam. DOG: What for? ME: So that I can check on you when I am not here and make sure...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  OMG! You have already destroyed that toy! DOG: So. ME:  It’s brand spanking new. You had it for only ten...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Why is everyone making such a fuss? ME:  There was an election last week. DOG:  So you picked a new alpha?...

ME: [With apologies to Eddie Murphy and Rick James, in a sing song voice to the tune of that 1985 hit] My dog likes to potty all the time...

ME: Stop humping that toy! DOG: But I like humping. ME: I understand, but you can’t hump in front of everyone. DOG: Why not? ME: Because...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG:  What is this slop? ME: Slop? That’s a fine filet. DOG: It’s overcooked. ME: It’s medium. I know,...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG:  [Whining.] ME:  What’s up, Boo Boo?  Why you whining. DOG: [Looking at kitchen counter still whining.] ME:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG:  [Chew. Chomp. Chew.] ME:  What are you gnawing on? DOG: [Looks up innocently.] Nothing. ME:   What have you...

It's a Dog's Life . . . ME:  What! You have had that toy for only two hours and you already broke it!?! DOG:  [With a look of umbrage on...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Why are you looking at me that way? DOG: You woke me up. ME: I had to go pee. DOG: You woke me up. ME: I...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  What are you doing out there? DOG:  Digging a hole. ME:  Are you looking for something? DOG:  No. ME:  Are...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  What do you have in your mouth? DOG:  [Chew. Chew. Chew.] ME:   Give me that! DOG:  No. [Chew. Chew. Chew.]...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Would you please explain to me why when you push your toy into the corner, you whine and won’t get it...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Here’s a special treat! DOG: Yea!  Why -  because I am so damned cute? ME:   Among many reasons. DOG: You...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: What are you trying to pull? ME: What do you mean? DOG: This thing in my food bowl. ME: It’s fowl. DOG: And?...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Play with me. ME: Not now. I am tired. DOG: Play with me! ME: I can’t right now. Just settle down. DOG:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: [Sniffing under the edge of the sofa.] Yip, yip. ME: I don’t understand. DOG: Whine. ME: I still don’t...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: [Sigh] ME:  Don’t give me that sad face. DOG: [Sigh] ME: You knocked the cord from the wall and unplugged my...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: I have decided to change your name. DOG: What? I like my name! ME: We are going to call you . . . Sometimes....