MARIO KIEFER

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . [BOOM!] ME: [Jumps, startled from sleep.] DOG: Bark! Bark! Bark! ME: Settle down. It’s just thunder. [BOOM!] DOG:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  Come. Let’s put your collar on. DOG: No! ME: What? DOG: No! I will not wear the collar. ME: Why not? DOG: I...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  Good morning. We are three days into the new year! DOG: I don’t understand the human need to mark time. ME:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: What did you think of your very first Christmas? DOG: I liked it. Thanks for all the new toys. ME: But you...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Bark, bark, bark, bark? Bark, bark! Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark!Bark? Bark! ME: What is it? What do you want? DOG:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Why you have sour look? ME: Look, Dog. We gotta talk. I just spent over $250 at the grocery store. DOG:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Where have you been? ME: I went to the grocery store. DOG: What did you get me? ME: Why should I get you...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Where were you? ME: I went to the store. DOG: Why didn’t you take me? ME: They only allow emotional support...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME:  [Dog wanders into kitchen]. Good morning. Look who decided to finally get out of bed. DOG: [In a grumpy...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: Sing me the song. ME: No. You were not a good dog today. DOG: Please. I want to hear the song. ME: But that...

DOG: [Sigh] ME: Why are you sighing? You have a good life. DOG: [Silence] ME: Why are you looking at me like that? DOG: [Silence] ME:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: [Talking to Dog] Here’s what I don’t understand. If I let you, you will eat leaves. You will eat sticks. You...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . [I hears voices from the other room even though I am alone in the house.] ME: What the . . . [I get up and walk...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: [Middle of the night.] Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! ME: [Rousing from a sound sleep] What are you barking at?...

DOG: Hey. Hey. Hey. ME: I’m busy. What do you need? DOG: Let’s go outside and play. ME: Go by yourself. I’m busy. DOG: Hey. Hey. Hey. ME:...

I t’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Stop humping your toys! DOG: But it feels good. ME: It’s nasty! DOG: It’s perfectly natural. ME: You are too...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: [With nose under edge of sofa] Aaarf. Whine. Whimper. ME: What’s up? What’s wrong? DOG: My toy is under the...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Why aren’t you eating your breakfast? DOG: I’m not ready. ME: What do you mean you are not ready? DOG: I will...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . ME: Dog! Get in here! DOG: What you call me for? ME: You got into the tissues again. DOG: So. ME: Tissues are NOT...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG: I don’t want that toy. Gimme another one. ME: Ok. Here you go. DOG: I don’t want that one either. Gimme a...