MARIO KIEFER

COLLEGE STUDENT: What do you have to say to those people who are traumatized by your words? ME: Child, come back and talk to me when you...

No matter how closely you ride my ass, the speed limit doesn’t change because you are in a hurry. #PetPeeves

The speed limit is 55. Why are the two cars (one in each lane) ahead of me traveling at 35 when there are no other cars around? #PetPeeves

Elves. Need I say more? #PetPeeves

Speed limit signs in heavy congestion are just mocking you. #PetPeeves

Why does the Christmas decorations box labeled “Mantle” have the tree skirt and topper inside? #PetPeeves

Ten minutes of commercials for each twenty minutes of show. #PetPeeves

Dear Big Business, I thank you yet again for the umpteenth flyer in my mailbox begging me to switch to your service — even though we have...

You seem to think that “thank you” is a dirty word. You’re welcome nonetheless. #PetPeeves

Back in my day when the family went on an outing we four kids sat on the back bench seat of the car. Today, the people who complain...

Obviously, I am in your way. By all means, please go ahead and push me over as you rush to get that oh-so-important bag of organic...

Why must I press 1 for English when you don’t speak it anyway? #PetPeeves

People. #PetPeeves

Please tap card. Tap not enabled, please insert card. Chip not enable, please swipe card. Jump up and down on one leg. Do the Hokey...

When people start their emails or texts with “quick question” the answer never is quick. #PetPeeves

Waking before the sun. #PetPeeves

When I order delivery the food is overpriced and cold. I pay a delivery fee and tip. I get a mediocre meal if I am lucky. When I go out...

You know someone is lying when the seller says that your package will arrive today, but the delivery company says they haven’t picked it...

If it’s shut when you arrive, it should be shut when you leave. #PetPeeves

When will they make trash bins that take themselves out? #PetPeeves