MARIO KIEFER

ME: [With apologies to Eddie Murphy and Rick James, in a sing song voice to the tune of that 1985 hit] My dog likes to potty all the time...

ME: Stop humping that toy! DOG: But I like humping. ME: I understand, but you can’t hump in front of everyone. DOG: Why not? ME: Because...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG:  What is this slop? ME: Slop? That’s a fine filet. DOG: It’s overcooked. ME: It’s medium. I know,...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG:  [Whining.] ME:  What’s up, Boo Boo?  Why you whining. DOG: [Looking at kitchen counter still whining.] ME:...

It’s a Dog’s Life . . . DOG:  [Chew. Chomp. Chew.] ME:  What are you gnawing on? DOG: [Looks up innocently.] Nothing. ME:   What have you...

DAWG: Wake up. I’m hungry. ME: Ok. I’m getting up. DAWG: Let me out. I gotta pee. ME: Ok. Give me a second. DAWG: Where’s my food? ME: I...