It’s a Dog’s Life . . .
DOG: [Middle of the night.] Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
ME: [Rousing from a sound sleep] What are you barking at?
DOG: I heard a noise outside.
ME: It’s nothing. Go back to sleep.
DOG: Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
ME: I told you it’s nothing. Go back to sleep.
DOG: Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
ME: Ok. Fine. Let’s go look.
[Gets up. Walks around the still and quiet house - nothing amiss.]
ME: See; nothing.
DOG: Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!
ME: [Exasperated] There’s nothing there!
DOG: It’s outside. I heard it!
ME: Fine.
[Picks up flashlight. Goes outside and starts looking around the yard. The back door slowly creaks closed and the automatic lock clicks in. Tries door handle, but it will not turn.]
ME: Dammit, Dawg! You locked me out. Go wake up Other-Daddy and tell him to let me in.
DOG: Hehehehehehehe
[Goes to bedroom. Jumps on bed next to other-daddy curls up and goes to sleep.]
ME: [Sitting outside.] I need to stash some wine out here.
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